


Don't scare me like that again

by umbrella_milkshakes



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Feels, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 22:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1404601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umbrella_milkshakes/pseuds/umbrella_milkshakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Newt successfully drifts with a kaiju brain the first time with his home made pons, Hermann yells at him- as usual.  But what is actually discussed may be much more than what Newt thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't scare me like that again

_Newt had successfully drifted.  He could feel a sensation, like being sucked into a vacuum, as though he had broken a window in a space craft.  It compresses him and he can't take air into his lungs- though only for a second.  But for that second, he is terrified.  He wonders if he's really going to die.  And those words spoken into his recorder would really be his last words to Hermann and the rest of the Shatterdome.  He sees his own life go by, being bullied by kids in his school for being as smart as he was, his mother being the only one to support him, he sees his father leave him as a child.  "Don't chase the rabbit..." he could hear himself mutter, letting that memory go.  He relives getting his tattoos, his concerts, his own attempts at playing guitar..._

 

_It changes.  The kaiju link worked, for now he could see the other world it was a part of.  He sees the beings, the manufactured Kaijus, the dying sun.  He feels as they do, short lived emotions though their intellect is higher than even his or Hermann's.  In the midst of it all, he finds himself even more interested in them and almost wishes he could stay connected.  That he could still learn about them, such a short drifting time isn't enough.  Don't chase the rabbit... Don't chase the rabbit..._

 

       He is conscious.  His neurons are firing all at once and he can't seem to control his actions, he's convulsing- not violently- but he could just barely feel something dripping onto his lip.  _It's blood... Am I having an aneurysm?  Am I really going to die?_

 

_I'm not ready to die_

 

He feels arms around him.  The sensation is odd, like someone touching a body part when it's numb, but he allows himself to be held.  He's scared.  Terribly frightened and any sort of contact is accepted.  He faintly hears a voice- no- voices.  He could hear Hermann barely through the sound of his seizure.  And then it lifts.  His brain starts calming down, his body begins to slow and he could hear the people around him better without sounding like he's under water.

     "T-the kaiju, they-" he attempts to speak what he just saw but he couldn't properly process what he's seen or what he's trying to say.  He's given a cup of water.  He speaks.

 

                                                                                                  -----

           It is after they speak with Pentecost of Newt's findings and Hermann stands at his chalk board, back facing towards Newt.  He's holding a piece of chalk but he doesn't write.  Newt stares at him, wordlessly for once, waiting for him to say or do something.  He's tempted to tease him about being right.  He's tempted to say "I told you so" but words don't come.  He could tell the other is upset and, for once, he wants things to remain as calm as possible.

 

        "Has it never occurred to you just what would have happened if you had died, Newton?", the mathematician finally speaks.  "Do you ever even stop to think of the consequences of your actions?"

 

       Newt pouts and looks away.  "Yeah, what if I did?  What if, for once while I'm around you, that I just wanted to be right about something anyway?"

 

      "And what _may I ask_ would have been the point of that? So you could laugh at me from your  _bloody grave?!_ Do you know what would've happened if your efforts were futile?  Did you even think about how that would've effected our efforts?  Cause, contrary to what I say to you, you actually are needed here, Newton Geiszler." Hermann rounds on him, limping quickly to point a finger in his face, his own expression an image of frustration.   "Do you have any idea how I would've..."

     He stops.  Bawling his hands into fists and casting his gaze downward.  

     Newt stands, looking up at his counterpart.  He's confused, seeing now that he wasn't just furious at him for almost abandoning the project for his own selfish gains, but  _hurt._ "Hermann, I-"

 

     "Save it.", Hermann snaps.  He sighs.  "Newton.. If you would've died, I wouldn't have known what to do..." the man suddenly looks older than he is, stress and sadness evident on his features.  "As much as we bicker and fight, I never really hated you.  In fact.. You've saved my life on many occasion."

 

    Now Newt only watches, curious as to what he means and genuinely shocked that he actually  _doesn't_ hate him.  Now that he's thought about it, sure, he's disliked him and has been very angry at him for many times with his stuck up attitude and stuffy personality, but he couldn't bring himself to hate.  He.. Sort of liked the stupid little arguments they would get into.  

     "What do you mean, I've saved your life?" he asks, voice hoarse from the neuro stress he had only just been through.

      Hermann turns around, unable to look him in the eye as he confesses.  He'd never been open with others, not as much as he was currently anyway.  He takes a deep, shuttered breath and puts a hand to his forehead to stability.  "When we first started talking,  I had been in a rather deep throw of depression and was close to... Doing myself in.  When we started talking, I felt that you understood even though not a word was spoken about it.  And it seemed that every time I was close to doing so again, you just so happened to message me- even after we parted ways.  If you would've died just now... Just to prove yourself right.. I wouldn't have been able to continue alone.."

 

     Newt walked over to him, timidly standing by him and looking at his features.  He felt small, insignificantly small at the sheer power of his confession and he could see how close the other man was to pouring out his emotion.  He was keeping impressive composure at the moment.  That man couldn't have been any braver in the biologist's eyes.  "Are you saying... That you need me?"

 

     "In a way, perhaps I do." he swallowed.  "I haven't had any such thoughts in a while because I've been so focused on my work here and whatnot and your constant chatter has become somewhat of an anchor for me, regardless of how ridiculous you could be.", a weary scoff.  "Newton Geiszler, for as long as we're alive,  _don't ever scare me like that again._ Do you understand me?"

     A small nod from the scientist.  "The only problem with that is I need to do another drift with another kaiju brain.  Perhaps if this one is more fresh maybe the effects won't be so hard on my own you know?  Maybe if I don't let it drift very quickly it'll be less of a toll on me or something-"  Hands on his shoulders.

 

     "I'm well aware that you need to drift again.  For now, please let's just put this out of our heads, alright?"

 

      "Yeah.... Okay.  Hey, why don't we go back to the dorms and watch something?  You could pick the movie if you want."

 

      A look of shock on Hermann's features.  "You're letting me pick?  I thought you hated all of my 'boring and dumb' movies."  
  
     

      "Yeah well I changed my mind.  Maybe they're not so dumb after all.  I mean I didn't really give them a chance anyway so..", a shrug from Newt.  As much as he disliked documentaries and older movies, he could stomach them if it meant that Hermann was going to be happy.  He needed some time to relax anyway, if he fell asleep in the middle of them, it may not prove to be such a bad thing.  He had suddenly became aware of how tired his body and head was.  But he was grateful.  Grateful to be alive, grateful that those words he spoke into his recorder weren't the last he's said to his partner.    
  
     The two departed from the lab, for once not bickering and actually smiling.  

 


End file.
